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How to Overcome Negative Thoughts

Secure, Valued, Included on side of the sign post and Unsafe, Useless, Outcast on the other side of the sign post

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.

Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.

Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.

Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.

Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny."

— Chinese proverb, author unknown

I remember reading this for the first time, about 8 years ago, and it having enough impact that I was inspired to created a painting with these words upon it. Thinking these words would give me the ability to change in my life. I remember trying to really get it. But the truth is I didn't get it. They literally just became words on a wall that were meant to be profound to me in some way but never ended up improving my life. These words didn't make me change my thoughts, words, habit, actions or my character. I became so frustrated at my lack of understanding of something I knew had meaning that I threw the painting away and turned my back on the whole notion.

I continued my search for creating a more fulfilling life but always hit a wall. It wasn't until I took my Self-Actualized Coach & Mentor training that I saw the message differently, and for me it was incomplete.

Here is the missing piece, as I see it, our thoughts stem from our conscious and subconscious beliefs. These beliefs fuel every thought running through our minds, our words and actions are merely a reaction to these thoughts, allowing these thoughts to re-enter our minds over and over again cause us to react with the same words and actions creating 'habits' in which our character is formed and our destiny is set.

The missing piece, belief, is HUGE, in my opinion. Beliefs, conscious or subconscious are what create our thoughts. Therefore, if we are going to watch our thoughts, we first must understand that we are not our thoughts. I repeat we are NOT OUR THOUGHTS. We are so deeply attached to our thoughts that for some of us this is difficult to accept at first. This was best demonstrated to me as follows: stop for a moment, close your eyes and count your thoughts for approximately 30 seconds.

Regardless of how many thoughts you counted, the point is you are not your thoughts. You were able to step back and observe your thoughts in such a way you could actually listen to each individual thought as they came pouring in. Actually, what you just did, is called being present. You were completely present and therefore able to observe your thoughts. Most of the time we simply react to our thoughts without even questioning their merit because we are not even present.

I wish I could take credit for all that I am writing about but truthfully, this information has been being shared for what seems like forever. How someone experiences it seems to dictate how they share this knowledge but at the end of the day once you get it, you realize all the books, articles, etc. all have the same message. Everyone is simply spinning or discovering it a different way, maybe it's because they want to share how they were first enlightened or maybe they are trying to capitalize on it and make it there own. I don't know, but I can tell you book after book, article after article I see the same message. Which is before you can 'watch your thoughts' you must understand and believe you are not your thoughts. That you have a choice to observe them and challenge their truth.

For me, I would change the above quote as follows:

Observe the meaning you give an experience, for it becomes your belief.

Observe your beliefs, for they become your thoughts and feelings.

Observe your thoughts and feelings, for they will become your words and actions.

Observe your words and actions, for they determine your success or hindrance.

Observe our hindrances, and start from the top to change it into a success story.

--Written by Elisha D'Agostino July 3, 2017

Now as an observer, you become very present to what may or may not be going on. What is truth and what is made up. Often, we are so attached to our thoughts that it is difficult to observe them or to question them, even if we know they are the very thing holding us back in life. This is where a coaches skills come into play. A coach will help you become present and observe your thoughts. By actively listening to what you are and aren't saying. As a coach I am listening for these clues, and asking thought provoking questions that I believe will get you where you need to look as quickly as possible. Once you discover the meaning you gave an experience and the conscious and subconscious beliefs your created around it you can challenge it's merit or truth. I have yet to find one belief that creates negative thoughts that turned out to be true. If your thoughts hinder or hurt you I would be willing to bet it's not true. But it doesn't matter what I believe or anyone else for that matter. It matters what you believe. It's why only you can look at your beliefs and determine their merit, only you know the truth. You created it in the first place, only you can undo it.

Again, nothing new here, but I'm going to say it, we are the story tellers in our lives. I never understood that message either, until I understood that I am control of my thoughts, if I simply choose to be present enough to catch them. We have the power to create fearful, scary, sad, depressing stories or we can create happy, joyful, we got this stories. I think the most challenging part of any of this is believing you are the writer. To wholeheartedly believe you have a say in your thoughts and feelings, and therefore you are in control of your words, actions, successes and hindrances in your life.

Knowing that you have negative thoughts that hold you back in life, isn't enough to remove them. People prove that on a daily basis. If it were that easy we'd all be living a much more fulfilling life. As a coach, I create a safe space in which you can explore your conscious and subconscious beliefs and the thoughts you have created. Words and actions are merely clues as to what your thoughts and therefore you beliefs may be.

I sometimes, think of myself as a detective. Hired to help locate beliefs that are hindering you from creating what you want. We use your thoughts, words and actions or inaction's as clues in the discovery process. Eventually, you become a pretty good detective too, and the need for a coach decreases. At which point, you call upon your coach only when you have discovered something that needs to be looked at that you simply can't see past the blinders and need a trained eye to help locate it and remove it.

It has changed my life to become an observer of thoughts. My own and others. Despite my training and experience, I too have my coaches that help me through the discovery process as I note a thought that hinders me and start my search within. My blinders still exist and require a 3rd party, a coach, that is trained to help me find what I seek without telling me how to get there or giving me advise. I must find my own answers, just as you must find yours. But a helping hand never hurt anyone and can save you years, decades or a life time of searching.

So I challenge you to observe your thoughts and make note of any that are hindering you from getting what you want in life.

It is my mission to help people shift their mindset to see the possibilities that were once thought impossible. To help people see that they are the writers of their story, so why not make it a great!

For more information contact me through email or visit my website for more information


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