Why Words Hurt
Your child goes to school everyday and everyday they are being called names. It's breaking your heart and crushing their self-esteem.
There are two things you as a parent can do to help your child.
Become a bit of a detective and discover what it is your child believes to be true or might be true about themselves.
Challenge those beliefs and help them shift their mindset to see other possibilities.
I was an adult before I every had the opportunity to discover that the reason I had felt so unworthy, the reason peoples words hurt was because somewhere along the lines of my childhood I subconsciously decided to believe what was being said about me. I was literally held back for over 30 years of my life because of the hurtful 'words' that were said to me as a child, that no one helped me look at and challenge. Now in my parents defense, I don't know that these types of programs and information were so readily available. We are fortune that the Internet makes programs like mine readily available regardless of your address!
Did you realize, your child can only be hurt by words, if they believe what the bullies are saying is true or might be true?
Take a minute to think about that. Consider yourself when reading these next two paragraphs. If you believe yourself to be good at something and someone says something negative about it, you'd likely shrug your shoulders and think well I like it so I'm not to worried about what they think or you would let it pass in some other way. Because you are that sure of yourself and the fact that you believe yourself to be good at it. It would not cause you stress, lower your self-esteem or crush you.
Now let's reverse this, if you believe you aren't good at something or have doubts about your ability and someone says something negative about it, you are likely crushed, humiliated and don't want to do it anymore. I am talking in extremes here, but we are talking about youth and they usually think in extremes, but you get the point.
It only hurts, IF YOU BELIEVE IT IS OR MIGHT BE TRUE! There in lies the bullies power!!! If it's bothering your child to the point of a massive reaction or into complete submissiveness than the child doing bullying behaviours knows they can hurt your child and unfortunately this is their objective.
So if the bullying is ever going to stop, beyond you making it stop via the school, which proves difficult over and over again, then you need to figure out what it is your child believes! Challenge those beliefs, guide them to other possibilities Please note I said GUIDE them, you can say "you're not a loser" all day long, they need to come to this realization on their own because your words are meaningless unless they believe it.
I will give you an example, one of my clients was continually getting bullied in the hall by the older high school students. He would immediately react, creating a scene that would often land him in the principals office, where he was told to avoid those particular halls, at those particular times. His parents were actually called once because he dared enter the same space as the bully, thereby his mere presence was 'provoking' this student into bullying. Let's not get into how backwards that is, but rather focus on the solution the youth came up with. I say he, because again it is the youth that needs to find the answers if they are going to have the confidence to follow through with the plan. After doing some belief work, challenging those beliefs and shifting his perspective, he came up with the below solution and it worked!
He decided no one was going to prevent him from walking around his own school, and he was no longer going to give the bullies the reaction they were looking for. Now that those bullies words didn't hurt anymore, it didn't matter what they said to him. As a matter of fact, he made the bullying stop rather quickly when he continually repeated, "you're cool" to any remark or action the bullies threw at him. I remember him telling me, this seem to leave the bullies speechless and looking foolish. The bullies could not come up with anything to say in return and after a few rounds of this it stopped! Now if he had said that to them because I told him to (which for the record I wouldn't have), while still under the untrue beliefs he had about himself, it wouldn't have been effective. The bullies would have seen through fake attempt. It's because of his unwavering confidence and surety in himself, that the bullies were left not knowing what to say.
Its not the strategy I would have suggested, but that's the point, it worked because he came up with it, and he was prepared to confidently implement it and see what happens. Even if that hadn't worked, we developed his confidence enough that he would have just come up with another strategy because the most important thing to remember here is their words could no longer hurt him!
In my program Discover Your Best Self discovering what they believe, is just one small piece that is looked at in the coaching process. You can certainly try helping your child uncover untrue beliefs, but once again, it is best if they uncover them on their own, with some guidance, if you start guessing or assuming for them it won't be effective. This is where I do have the advantage with my coaching training.
In my program I do provide support for the parents, so that I can provide you will some idea of what they are learning and how you can support your youth while they are in the program. The ultimate goal of the program is to Empower your child to go from being bullied to brave, with the power of choice and seeking out their own answers and solutions.
I offer Free 1 hour consult for parents, where you have the opportunity to learn more about my program and I have the opportunity to learn more about your individual situation and child, together we decide if enrolling your child in the program is the right action. No matter what you will walk away from the consultation with more clarity, direction and some strategies that you can implement.
Nothing is going to improve for you child by simply telling them how they should or shouldn't feel, how they should or shouldn't react or scheduling countless meetings with the school. Even if you manage to force the bullying to stop, which I encourage you to do, you still have a very hurt child on your hands, and even if they put up a good happy front, I can assure you from my personal experience and numerous clients experiences, the damage has been done and the subconscious has already created untrue beliefs that , if not addressed will result in a limited life, without them even understanding why. Or until, like me and my adult clients, they finally start to recognize they have some limiting beliefs which have been hindering them and decide to explore them. I led a limited life for 30 years because of limiting beliefs, I didn't even know existed, and it is my hope to prevent others from doing the same.
You can empower your child now and you prevent a life of limitations!